I don’t photograph many weddings.

I put a lot of stress on myself with something that big, even before the brides—or mothers of the brides—come into the picture. By wedding day, my nerves are usually worse than anyone else’s.

But I do quietly shoot a couple a year, and have for over a decade now. It gives me a chance to spend a few hours around love, and people in love. Then I can step back out of it and go on about my world.

“Stand-up funerals,” as they say.

I rarely know everything I’m stepping into. I gather what information I can beforehand, but many times I don’t really know the personalities, dynamics, or chaos level until the wedding day itself.

Usually, shortly after I arrive, there’s a moment where I settle in and realize: I’ve got what I’ve got, I know what I know, and now it’s time to “dance with the one that brung ya.”

Honestly, part of the fun is adapting. Timelines shift. Boutonnieres disappear. Somebody forgets shoes. Somebody disappears. That’s part of the job.

On a recent Saturday, I brought in a second photographer because the bride and groom were getting ready miles apart.

I left the second with the bridal party after grabbing some shots and final details and headed toward the groom and his crew.

I’d met the groom before—good guy, hardworking, from a big farming family in the area. I’ve known the bride’s father since I was a kid.

As I turned down the driveway, “JESUS SAVES” was mowed into the hillside beside the road.

Nice reminder, I thought.

Or maybe a last reminder.

The driveway split and led toward an old house in the woods. Now, I’m country, so none of this bothered me…but there were probably banjos playing somewhere.

I grabbed a camera, followed somebody inside, and went to work. Details. Laughs. Boots. Stories. General pre-wedding foolishness.

Then suddenly—

I got assaulted.

Visually assaulted.

It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye…or two.

Luckily, instinct took over and I was able to keep shooting through it.

I’ve photographed in enough environments over the years that I’ve learned how to just keep clicking and process it later.

Some things, however, cannot be unseen.

Therefore, henceforth, and effective immediately, all future wedding packages will include a non-refundable retainer fee specifically designated for:

• visual assault recovery
• additional editing trauma
• emotional damages

Fees will be determined through interviews and character references beforehand.

Like Bartles & Jaymes used to say: “Thank you for your support.”